On Hospitality

Thanks a lot Martha Stewart!  Your well intentioned ideas and directions about decorating and entertaining have, in my opinion, backfired, causing women around the world to feel insecure about their ability to open their homes to their family and friends.  Somehow we have been led to believe that when we invite people over, every nook and cranny must be perfectly appointed and every table impeccably coiffed to look like the pages of Martha Stewart Living or Home and Garden Magazine. But hospitality is not about perfection in the way things look or how they are presented. 

Ok…stop right there….those of you who know me well are currently rolling your eyes and calling me a hypocrit.  If you have ever been to my home for dinner or drinks or impromptu cup of coffee, you know that I love to entertain and I am a perfectionist.  I will admit that I leave my dining room table set and perfectly appointed 365 days and year and that one of favorite parts of my house is the massive closet which holds all the China and crystal I use every chance I get.  But my friends also know that I believe fervently in hospitality – in welcoming people into our home no matter what – and that we eat take-out pizza at my perfectly appointed dining room table because hosting friends is about being together around the table and celebrating each other. 

It used to be that your mother (or grandmother) always had a poundcake on hand to serve with tea or cheese and crackers and a bottle of wine to offer friends when they popped in for an impromptu visit.  Visiting each other was entertainment!  Sharing the stories of the day with each other while enjoying a bite to eat was a frequent ritual.  The tea and wine and nibbles were just one way that people made their friends feel welcome. 

These days, we connect via our devices - instantly and constantly. And all that we are bombarded with via social media leads us to believe that our homes, our families, our careers, our children - frankly, our lives, need to be perfect before they can be shared.  But NO ONE I KNOW has a tidy and beautifully appointed life.  

The fact is that true connection isn’t found on a device or through social media and the art of hospitality is not all about perfection. Instead, I believe hospitality is about creating a sense of welcome which makes people feel seen, heard, valued and loved and THAT is what connects us. Maybe that means you set your dining room table with fine china and cook a gourmet dinner for eight of your closest friends or maybe it means you grab take out pizza and your best friends favorite bottle of wine and sit at the kitchen table to listen and reconnect.  It means you took the time, made the effort, and welcomed someone into your home, your sanctuary, to let them know they matter.  

In every project I design, I have my eye on creating spaces that encourage hospitality. We ask specific questions in our homework about how clients like to entertain, we cater our designs to capture their style and build in functionality that will make entertaining easy, fun and enjoyable.  

I want my clients to open up their home to their friends and family.  I hope they are eager to host friends in their newly designed and renovated spaces for a cocktail, a cup of tea or some take-out pizza.  Honestly, some of the best feedback I get from clients centers around how they are opening up their home to entertain - “We had our friends over and had so much fun hanging out in our new living room” or “Cooking for my family for the holidays was so easy and effortless in our new kitchen”. 

So, who cares if the laundry isn’t folded and the dirty dishes are in the sink.  Ignore Martha Stewart and Instagram “perfection”.  Invite your friends and family over.  Sit, visit, laugh and revel in the joy of hospitality.